Patience, My Dear

So many times, we get surprised with the way we're acting or how desperate we've been. Maybe for a guy we never wanna call "the one that got away", maybe for a dream job or a travel destination, or maybe just about anything that would make us feel alive, because this -- whatever we have here -- isn't working.

We want some things, and we want them now. It doesn't matter if we work an extra job, step on our own dignity, or slave away to any direction that may offer us just a little bit of that one thing.

For me, it's a PhD degree. And yet, here I am, 22 and barely making it out of college. Sometimes I wonder if God really knows what He's doing. I'm pretty sure I'll find out in a few years, but it's just really hard to trust when you're impatient.

For me, it's a guy and a family in the future that would probably change the definition of the word "settling" as I know it. Sometimes I really pray so hard that God would give me an artsy guy who has a way with words. Not a perfect relationship, but a little bit more than enough.

For me, it's travel, and how my heart wants to explode everyday with so much compassion and excitement to meet people and hear their stories. To stand by and watch life happen to others, to hear laughter and share tears, and to be expectant that life is ultimately beautiful and amazing along with the pain.

A few years ago, I was this girl who hated myself for being so brave about feeling the hurt as deep as it gets. Now, I'm the woman who just wants to feel and experience humanity as human as it gets. But it still doesn't help that I'm impatient.

You see, impatience doesn't trust. Impatience doesn't say it will be waiting. It doesn't promise anything, because it can't. Impatience will set one foot home, and one foot somewhere else. It doesn't wanna be held back. It sounds so good to be able to walk out and run away into adventure whenever you want, but impatience almost always gets you there at the wrong time. And to be human, in all the wonders of the word, is very much about waiting -- so much that it grows impatient.

I want what I want now. There are things I need to get done now. But there will always be things that I can't rush, or shouldn't rush. 'Cause when we grow impatient, we lose sight of what's here and now; and how beautiful it is to be able to savor every second of our awakening, as we all unfold with the world. Sometimes, it might not feel like it, but we're exactly where we're supposed to be.

The solution: "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." -Hebrews 6:19 | Internet Photo

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